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mood |
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 depressed |
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Dear Steven,
I miss you so much. Why did you hurt me? I am so completely numb right now. I cannot feel things anymore. My heart was stolen from me and I want it back. You said you would never hurt me and I believed you. You said we were forever.. That's what I wanted to. My love for you was real. Tears keep rolling down my face because of this pain you caused me. Why did you hit me? Are you sorry you did? I never would have thought you would be the one to do this to me. There is a void inside of me that will never be filled again because it's a permanent scar you left. My emotions have vanished and the only thing I can feel is sadness. I thought we had a plan. I thought we were going to get married and have children and live happily ever after. I would have loved you forever but I guess you didn't want me to. I have read the poem you wrote me over and over wondering what happened to your love.. I would have moved to Chicago for you. I would have done anything for you. Because I loved you with my entire heart. I loved you with everything I had. I know I can never be with you again but I miss you. I miss LOVING YOU, watching plane documentaries, ATVing, cuddling with you, cooking with you, being a happy lil clam, road trips ("oh look, a bell"), being sicky, dancing to your music, climbing into your bed and making the system, hugging you, Pismo Beach, a lil egg, waking up in your arms and saying "I love you", The Bank Job, your eyes, kissing you, the butterflies, knowing we were meant to be, Mount Hamilton on empty, text messages that made me smile, watching planes take off and land (missed approach!), camping, LOVING YOU, salt water taffy, visiting you at work, your family, saying the same thing at the same time, 21, getting lost jetskiing on the Delta, clam chowder at Sabella and La Torre, holding you close to me, Duarte's, getting up early so I could see you for an hour before I had to go to work, Chicago, going to Long's that one night, being with you, reading your mind and you reading mine, Cache Creek for the day, White Castle!, "Love" by Keyshia Cole, "I Think I Love You" by Dwele, "Make Ya Feel Beautiful" by Ruben Studdard, TGI Friday's, my Honey Bear, "oh, oh ok..", Harold and Kumar 2, LOVING YOU.. There is so much more I need to say but I can't seem to right now. I am miserable because of what you did. I miss you but I don't want to because you hurt me. Did you ever really love me?
Love,
Alison
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